Neverending Turmoil
by Sarroush
Summary: *On Hiatus* A retake and continuation of the first part of Chapter 42. Each chapter is seen through the eyes of a different character. Includes mild yuri and spoilers. Rating might change to M eventually.
1. Sadness

*Disclaimer : I do not own Jormungand or any of its characters* **Also:** Includes mild yuri. You've been warned!

**-This is another view of what happened on the rooftop between Koko and Valmet after R's death. The dialogue is from the chapter-**

I'm on the rooftop. Looking down at the city. Unsure of what to feel. What to think. One of my team members, someone I had trusted for a number of years was recently murdered. Murdered by the same weapons I sell. What's the point? I had told Jonah my job was to bring world peace. Albeit, in a very flat manner. My job has a much deeper meaning. However, does world peace mean throwing away my friends? My family? R didn't deserve any of this. Why? I grasp the handle in front of me. I squeeze trying to pour out my frustration while keeping my sadness inside. I remember his words clearly. "You keep your feelings hidden beneath that smile, don't you?" he had claimed. "You don't need to do that, Koko", he had told me. Then…"what do I do?" The woman behind me says this : "Koko's lovely no matter what she does". This woman, who has been with me through and through. She has protected me and taken care of me. She has loved me. Will she leave me one day too? I want to ask her. I want to be certain she won't. However, what comes out is something entirely different.

"Wh….WHAT IS AN ARMS DEALER? WHAT THE HELL AM I?" Right after I yell, I realize that I am merely throwing my frustration out at her. She, who is here, on this rooftop of her own accord. She, who only wants what is best for me…"…Sorry…Valmet." I say, looking down in shame, unable to face her.

I then feel two strong arms wrap around me. Those….those are Valmet's arms. I always feel safe in her embrace. She puts a hand behind my head, and the other on my back. She gently tells me "You are an amazing person, Koko. You can turn any dream into reality. You give that impression. That is why…That is why R gave up his life to protect you. "

Valmet...She knows how to comfort me. I look up to her, not realizing that I've been crying. I haven't cried in a long time. Of course I haven't. Valmet looks at me. Why? Why…does she look so…sad? She gently places a hand on my cheek and wipes my tears away. "Don't cry Koko. You should always be smiling." "...V…Valmet…." I want to look down. However, I feel safest under her gaze. I…feel safest with her. With her arms around me. Protecting me from anything and everything. "Valmet…." I move my hand to the back of her head and I grab at it gently. I move in slowly, worried if she'll pull away or not. I'm so close to her…She's blushing…and...I feel hot….."Koko…?" she looks at me….I say nothing but bring our lips together. Soft. Warm. Safe. I don't want this to end. And it doesn't. She kisses me again and again and again. Very gently. I feel her tongue asking for permission and I grant it.

However, she quickly pulls away much to my dismay and stares at the door of the rooftop intently. Someone comes out. It's Wilee. He says the preparations are complete and then heads back down. I look at Valmet. We're both flushed. Her gaze is still fixated on the door. She's probably embarrassed.

"Well…shall we get going? They're probably waiting for us." She says. I get closer to her and put my head on her breasts. I can hear her heartbeat. This would be a great pillow. "Hey…Valmet…do you think…I could sleep with you tonight?" Aaah….I said it…I said it…I said it….I'm blushing like mad. Valmet turns her gaze to look at me. Answer would you? This silence is killing me! Valmet….please answer….even if it's no…Though I hope it's not a no! Why would it be? Oh my…I'm rambling…This is…very...unlike me.

"Of course, Koko." She says as she gives me a quick peck on the forehead. She gently grabs my hand and pulls me. "Let's get going. We shouldn't keep R waiting any longer". She puts on a gentle smile.

It's time for his funeral. Time to say goodbye to a dear friend. I shake my head and smile. "Let's go!".

-Fin-

The writing feels slightly off, as I haven't written anything in quite some time. Oh well. Reviews would be much appreciated.


	2. Confusion

**Thanks for the reviews! Decided to make it more than a oneshot. I know the chapters are small. Sorry! **

It's been two weeks since R's funeral. All of us are still grieving; however that kind of weakness is not allowed to show in our line of work. We are bodyguards, in a sense. Defenders and protectors. A single moment of doubt or hesitation could mean the end of both us and our boss. And I will not let that happen. I will not allow any harm to come to Koko.

I look down at the young woman who is using my breasts as a pillow. This has become some sort of habit. Not that I'm complaining. I gently stroke her hair while thinking about how, over these past two weeks, I've only seen her smile once. This is killing me. Koko should always be smiling. I know it's selfish of me to think this way. She is as human as the rest of us. _Koko….What can I do to cheer you up? Am I….unable to do anything?_ "Am I…Unable to make you happy?" The thought accidentally slips and I get a response from the door.

"I don't think that's the case, Valmet." I turn to look at the owner of the voice. Lehm. A very knowledgeable man, even though he's quite silly at times. Well, I guess we all are. "When you left Alexandria to seek revenge on Chan, we never saw her smile, real or fake. However, the moment she made sure you were safe, that those bullet wounds hadn't killed you; we all saw relief overtake her. Her smile instantly returned". Lehm scratches at his head. "It might actually not mean all that much, but think of it this way. All of us agree that without you here, Koko wouldn't be happy. That's my two cents at least". He says and turns around to leave. "Lehm…" I call to him while looking down at Koko's sleeping face. "Thank you". He leaves. It's still fairly early in the morning, so I decide to sleep for a while longer.

I move down a bit on the bed, so that my face is closer to Koko's. I gently place a kiss on her cheek, so as to not wake her. I whisper in her ear "Koko….I-""-Mmm" she stirs a bit, and ends up on my breasts again. I look down at her, a bit disappointed, however relieved. My heart is beating a bit too fast. I recall the kiss we shared on the rooftop two weeks ago. I blush profusely. I try to calm myself as best I can. A sigh leaves me, as I repeat her name; hold her close to me, and fall back to sleep.

* * *

I feel like I'm suffocating. I can barely breathe. I open my eyes and notice why. I am faced with Koko's petite chest resting on my face for some reason.

"Koko….wake up..." I say as I slightly nudge her.

"-Mmm….dont….wanna…." I sigh and wrap both my arms around her body. I lift us both up to a sitting position. She's still half asleep…I realize I am holding her in my arms…our faces…inches apart. I look at her lips…._I want to….No! I can't think like this. I shouldn't think like this. I shouldn't. I…_

I move her away a bit as she begins to fully wake up. Her beautiful deep blue eyes make contact with my golden ones.

"Valmet…." She whispers as she places a hand on my cheek. "Why….are you crying?" My eyes widen. _Crying? What is she talking about? There is no reason for me to be crying…._As I think this to myself, she wipes the tears streaming down from my left eye. _Why…AM I crying? Koko? Why…why are you coming closer….Don't. Please, don't._ She looks at me, slowly closes her eyes and brings her lips closer to mine. They slightly brush each other before she places a firm kiss on my lips. She kisses a few more times until I realize her tongue is asking permission. However, unlike the time where she granted it to me, I deny it. She pulls away, confused.

"Valmet?" I am unable to look at her. I am intently looking at the bed sheets around us. I take in a deep breath, move away from Koko and get off the bed. Without looking at her, I head to the door and I whisper "I'm sorry, Koko", before leaving.

**Thanks for reading! Reviews are much appreciated. I'm not sure how many chapters this will be. Should be more than 3, that I can guarantee. **


	3. Anger

**Here we go. Chapter 3. This one's a bit longer than the others, though a few parts seem somewhat off. I'll have to go back and reread a few more times in case I decide to edit something. Also, thanks for the reviews!**

I was able to run away from Tojo's math class for a bit, so I decided to go up to the roof for some fresh air. I reach the rooftop and while opening the door I hear:

"Damn it!" and a cracking sound that follows. I slowly open the door and look around. Its Valmet…._What is she doing?_ I look towards her and notice the cause of the cracking sound. She is repeatedly punching the wall in front of her. Her bones are probably a mess right now. I notice blood coming from her knuckles and run towards her to stop her from injuring herself any further.

"Valmet!" She turns to me, however I feel she has not noticed my presence. She has tears. Valmet….was… crying? I grab her hand gently. It's severely bruised. I notice that she's breathing fairly fast. I call out to her numerous times, but I feel that she isn't paying any attention to me. Her face looks much paler than her usual color, but her cheeks are flushed a very strong red. She moves her hand away from me, turns around and puts her back to the wall. Slowly, she comes down to a sitting position. She finally notices my presence as she turns to look at me again.

"Ah….Jonah….", she says as she closes her only visible eye and reopens it slowly. "Why are you looking at me like that? I'll admit, I don't look my best right now, but I'm fine".

I scoff. "Oh yes, Valmet. You are perfectly fine. Your right hand is damaged, you're as pale as a ghost and you most likely have a high fever. You are perfectly fine".

She doesn't like the way I'm talking. I can see it on her face. It begins to contort to indicate she is getting angry. "Valmet, wha-" "Get lost!" She yells as she makes a motion for me to leave. I stand firmly in place. This is not Valmet. This is not the Valmet that I know. The Valmet I know is strong, protective, firm, commanding and dotes on Koko every chance she gets. She isn't this frail, weak woman who punches walls and cries out of frustration. Is this her way of grieving R's passing? No….There is clearly more to it than just that.

"I won't leave. Not until you tell me what happened for you to react this way."

"I told you to get lost, Jonah! This does not concern you!"

"It does when one of the key members of the squad is behaving this way. Valmet, please tell me what happened. I want to be of help!"

"You really want to help? It would be of huge help if you LEFT."

"I will not leave."

I see anger and hatred. It's there. On her face. However….whether it is directed towards me, or to some other entity, I cannot know. She stands up, grips the knife in her thigh pocket and prepares to strike. Whether this is caused by the probable fever overtaking her body or not, I do not know, and at this point, I do not care. Valmet is clearly in no condition to be near Koko right now. I look at her, without any hesitation and repeat: "I will not leave."

She charges at me with the knife in her left hand. I do not understand why. My statement was for her benefit. Her movements are awfully slow and unprofessional. She is like a child playing with a knife. This feeling is a strange one. I have never been able to fully dodge all of her moves, and yet now, it's as though they are the simplest things in the world. She jabs, I dodge. Rinse, repeat. She stops all of a sudden. I feel that her anger has decimated. It must have been the fever. I notice that she is mumbling something.

"-ou Koko."

"Valmet? What did you just say?" I get closer to her bit by bit. The light in her eye is fading.

"I…" she falls to her knees as the knife slips from her hand, "…love y..ou..Ko…ko". The rest of her body joins her knees on the ground. I run towards her.

"Valmet? Valmet? Valmet! Wake up!" I try to wake her by shaking her. She doesn't even stir. Her breathing has gotten stronger and her face is more flushed than before. I don't know what I should do. I can't lift her. I am barely able to turn her on her back.

"Lehm….Lehm should be strong enough…." I run downstairs in frantic pace, yelling "LEHM! LEHM! LEEEHHHMM!" I accidentally stumble on the stairs and fall down in front of Tojo who is eyeing me angrily. "Jonaaaaaaaaaah! You skipped again!" I completely ignore him and look around. I keep yelling for Lehm.

"Jonah, what's wrong? Why are you so worked up?"

"Lehm!" I notice Lutz behind him.

I grab Lehm's arm and try to lead him up the stairs.

"Jonah, where are you taking me? What's the matter?" Lehm is confused. I don't blame him.

"Calm yourself, Jonah!" Lutz tries to calm me. "Tell us what happened".

I am unable to calm down and frantically say "Valmet! Valmet is! Valmet…she! The rooftop! Valmet!" Clearly I am unable to formulate anything properly.

Lehm seems to understand that something has happened to Valmet. He runs up the stairs to the rooftop with Lutz. Moments later, I notice Koko coming out of her room rubbing her eyes.

"…Jo..Jonah?" She yawns. "What's all the ruckus about? Are we under attack?" I shake my head indicating to her that we are not.

"Oh, well that's goo…."Koko stops speaking and notices Lehm carrying someone. On further inspection, she notices its Valmet.

Her right knuckle has been bandaged however she still has a persisting fever. I look at Koko. Her eyes are wide in shock. An expression I have seen only once before. When Hex shot R.

"Move it Lutz! We don't have a doctor here. We're taking her to the hospital! Ugo! Grab the car! Wilee, get some wet cloth! Tojo, get her a change of clothes! Come on guys, move it!" Lehm orders the team around.

"Le…Lehm!" Koko speaks up after some time. Lehm turns around, Valmet in arms.

"Is she….She…She'll be ok, right?" she says, very worried.

Lehm smiles "This is Valmet we're talking about Koko. Not even the gods would be able to keep her from getting back to you". I look at Koko, who is unsure of how to take that. However, Lehm has already run off with Valmet.

Lutz turns around, and yells at Koko: "Princess! Don't worry. There's no way something like this would take Valmet from us!" he smiles and keeps running.

Koko looks down at the floor, closes her eyes and says: "She was perfectly fine this morning…. This….what happened to Valmet….is my fault, isn't it?" I look at her, a bit confused. Why would Koko blame herself? I remember what Valmet had mumbled on the rooftop. Did something happen between the two of them? What exactly was it that made Valmet react the way she did?

"Koko…." I grab her hand and gently caress it with my own. "Whatever happened to her, I don't think it's your fault." I try to comfort her; however she looks at me like I'm crazy. Is she actually blaming herself? "Do you want to follow them?" I ask her.

"You don't even need to ask. We're going. Now." She says, firmly. We have no car. The squad took it. Koko doesn't seem to care. She decides that we'll walk.

I look at her and I'm not sure what to think of what I'm seeing. She's smiling. Her usual smile. She hasn't used this ever since R died. Is she afraid? Is she so worried that she's smiling? Or is she in fact, genuinely happy at Valmet's situation?

Koko Hekmatyar, you…..at this moment….are a very frightening person.


	4. Fear

**New chapter. I appreciate the reviews. Constructive criticism is welcome as well. No trolls though. I'll also gladly take any suggestions you have. If parts are too weak, not necessary or confusing, please let me know.**

**I must say its somewhat annoying and odd to refer to Valmet's eyes in singular, since she only has one. Hopefully, will get used to that soon. **

**Oh, and chapter contains some minor yuri. Enjoy.**

_Where am I?_ I look around and ask myself this question, over and over again. Pitch-black. I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around quickly, however no one is present. _Shuffling? Where is this sound coming from?_

I run for a bit, in this darkness, unable to see where I'm going. I come to a stop as I notice people in front of me listening to someone. _No…That's…me?_ I see myself giving orders to my squad of men who were in Africa with me.

_No…Don't….Stop! Don't tell them to guard the village! Tell them to run away! _I run towards my past self, thinking I can knock some sense into her, however my body freezes in place. I am only able to move my head and mouth. I try to yell at her, but no voice comes out.

The scenery changes from complete darkness to some plains near a village in Africa. _Please…don't let this be-_ I'm correct. I have to witness my squad's slaughter all over again. Their voices, the sound of their agony, their bodies falling to the ground.

And then, I lose an eye. At that moment, the scenery returns to the black abyss it was in the beginning. My past self is in front of me with a bloody face.

"This is your fault".

I am unable to say anything, only look at her.

"All of this is your fault. You are incompetent. These men would have survived if you were not their leader".

I should get mad. If this was anyone else but me, I probably would have. However, I knew. I knew since the start that it was my fault.

"You couldn't protect your squad. Do you actually think you can protect Koko? Or is it because Koko is more important than these men who trusted you with all of their lives? Then would you throw away their lives a second time if it meant saving Koko?"

I look at myself, baffled. Unsure of what to say.

"You love Koko. But does she love you in turn? Is she not merely trying to find a way to cope with R's death? Let me ask you this: Why didn't you return her kisses last time? You love her, do you not? It's only normal for you to return them. You are pathetic. You...you committed yourself to your squad once and led them around. Which inevitably cost them their lives. However, have you not already committed yourself to Koko? What is there to be afraid of? No. It's not commitment you're afraid of. It's something else. Even you aren't sure of it. You want to keep your distance from her and yet you want her. Make up your mind, Sophia. The more you waver, the more her life will be in danger. You're the one who said "_A single moment of doubt or hesitation could mean the end of both us and our boss_". Why are you so unsure? You-"

"-Enough."

I am finally able to speak. This person in front of me, she knows the answer to those questions. She is not asking me so that I answer. She is asking me so that I think. The reason I rejected Koko's kisses. Is it worth it? Is it not something silly?

The scene changes again. This time it is a rainy night, in a cemetery. Eight people are standing behind a coffin. _Is that…Koko?_ But I don't understand. Whose funeral would Koko be attending?

"_Here lies Sophia Velmer. May she rest in peace_".

_What? My…Funeral?_

My past self shows me what Koko's life would be like if I died, while having distanced myself from her, and what it would be like if I died while we were together. Both of them were destructive. The former had the entire squad dead by ten years time and Koko alone, mentally and emotionally scarred, no longer showing even an ounce of emotion, while the latter was her being self destructive and causing wars and mass genocides all around the world.

Both scenarios seem more than a little silly. Of course they are. It's not like these would actually happen. What I was shown were two possibilities in a span of countless millions. What would happen to Koko with my death is not something that can easily be figured out, because Koko herself is a very confusing person.

However, I know full well that dying while I am closer to her would be more painful than when I am distanced.

"Think what you want, Sophia. But remember, sometimes, being selfish isn't a crime."

She vanishes, and the scenery changes once more.

This time it's a cabin up north in the winter. The door opens and I notice who it is. Koko.

"Vaaaaaalllmeeeeeettttt! What's taking so long?"

I look to my left and see myself carrying logs.

"Sorry Koko! I wasn't sure how much we needed". I place them on the floor once I get inside the cabin.

"Mmmm…"

"What is it Koko? Why are you smiling like that?" My dream like self tries to inquire.

Koko flings herself into my arms and gives me a quick kiss.

I smile at her. "Koko…" I am about to whisper something, but she stops me with another kiss. This time a passionate one. I lift her up and carry her to the living room as we keep kissing. I accidentally drop her a bit too hard on the couch and I hear "Owww!" from her.

"Ah…I'm so sorry, Koko!" I say as I slowly get on top of her.

"Haha! You get clumsy at times like these don't you? It's ok, Valmet."

I am blushing. Madly. She continues. "I like this side of you. It's very cute."

Before I can answer, she locks our lips again. I want more. I want to kiss all of her. Touch her. Feel her. Love her. I want to make her mine.

"Koko…" I've started to breathe heavily.

"Valmet…please…" she looks at me with a flushed face, "please…take me. Make me yours."

I realize that I am now a part of this dream like sequence. I am on top of Koko, who wants to give herself to me. And I want her. However, I am unable to move. Deep down, I know this isn't real. Which is why, I am wondering. Is indulging myself here, wrong? Koko…What should I do?

"Why are you having doubts? Isn't this what you've always wanted?" I look at her, somewhat shocked. "Aren't I what you've always wanted? You're afraid! You don't want to get too close to me in fear that you'll hurt me. I've been hurt plenty of times before, Valmet. If you're so afraid of hurting me, why don't you just leave? Leave HCLI and go back to Finland. Deep down, that's what you really want, isn't it?"

"Ko..ko..?"

"You promised to devote yourself to me after you dealt with Chen. And now you're running away again. I don't want someone who will leave whenever life gets a bit complicated. Go away Valmet. You are useless. I don't want to see you anymore". She pushes me off of her, gets up and starts walking away as the scenery changes to complete darkness. This is senseless. I know none of this is real, yet I cannot help but go with the flow.

"Koko? Koko?...Koko! Please wait!" I run after her. She is walking, I am running. I should be able to catch up. However, for some reason, I am unable to. The distance between us lengthens up until the point where I no longer see her. "Koko! Let me explain! Please! Koko! Don't leave me! I'm begging you! KOKO!"

* * *

I open my eye with a start. My heart is beating fast. Very fast. I try to calm down. I look up at the ceiling while thinking about the dream I had. _Unfamiliar….Where am I?_ I look around, but it's fairly dark. I can barely see anything. _ It must be night out._ I eventually realize I am in a hospital room. _Why?_ My right hand is bandaged and I feel dizzy. _What happened to me?_ I look next to me, and see Lutz, sleeping soundly, head and arms on the bed. I ruffle his hair a bit.

I hear him mumble in his sleep "Sis…Wake up…soon...So we…can play…some paintball…uuhmmm…together". I giggle, put my head back down on the pillow, close my eye and think to myself as I return to sleep.

_Our job is a death sentence if we aren't too careful. With every new job Koko takes, the chances of us dying grow ever more. Koko…I would give up my life if it meant your never-ending safety. Being with you would cause you more pain than happiness. I can die at any moment. I do not want you to ever have to go through the pain of losing a lover. Distancing myself from you…seems like the best idea. I don't want to. I want to be with you. I want to love you. Take care of you. But I dont want to see you pained. That is why; I am hoping the kisses you gave me were a way to cope with R's death. I want to think to myself that you would have done the exact same thing if it was Lutz or say Jonah, who was on the rooftop that day._

As I am about to fall back to sleep, the door is flung open and Jonah runs in. Lutz is startled awake.

"Jonah! 'the hell? Sis is trying to…"he looks at me "…sleep…SIS! You're awake!"

I'm too busy looking at an angry Jonah to pay attention to Lutz.

"Jonah? What's the matter?" I ask.

He doesn't answer. He runs to me and hugs me tightly.

"Jonah, I need an answer. What's going on?" I pet the back of his head to have him calm down.

He grabs onto my hospital gown. _He…looks just like a child. Hah, sometimes I forget he actually is one._ He slowly starts talking.

"Koko…." _What about Koko? Did something happen to her?_ I start getting worried. He grabs onto me a bit stronger than before.

His anger…has it turned to fear? He is trembling.

"Valmet….Koko…is….you are…going to be replaced…"

"WHAT? JONAH! What are you talking about? There's no way the princess would replace Sis!" Lutz yells.

"She…-"

Jonah is talking. He's arguing with Lutz. I can't hear what they are saying. I am still stuck on his previous words. _You are going to be replaced…Re…placed…._

I can no longer think. Am I actually being replaced? Is this a part of Koko's schemes? What's going on? These questions completely slip my mind. I grab at the bed sheets tightly with my injured hand. The pain will stop the tears. I cannot cry. I will not cry. I flop my head back down on the pillow and look at the ceiling. The very interesting ceiling. _I will not cry._

As I repeat this to myself, my only eye glistens while I stare hard at the same ceiling.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Will update soon.**


	5. Unease

**Sorry for the wait. I was experiencing a writer's block of one sort or another. Thanks for the reviews and for being patient!**

**This chapter might need a bit of rewriting. I feel some parts of it aren't well written. I'll see according to the reviews it gets. Also, if some parts feel off or they dont match up to others, let me know. I'll tell you if that's plot related or just an error in writing. **

**As usual, minor yuri included. Still haven't fully decided if I'll include lemon or not. Until then however, I hope you enjoy the fic.**

* * *

"Mmm…" I slowly wake up as the sun hits my face through the curtains.

"Good Morning", someone whispers gently into my ear.

"…Ah…" I have my head lying on someone's breasts. I look up at the person next to me. "...Morning…" I say as I cuddle more into her. She gently places a hand on my head and strokes my hair.

_This…reminds me of…No. It's not important right now_. I shake my head and lie back down between her breasts.

"…Are you hungry?" She asks me quietly.

"A..little. I'll eat once…" I am more awake now and notice that we are both…naked? "…We get up…Tell me something…-"

"It was incredible. The way you screamed and begged for more".

_What? This is a joke…right? There is no way I would have…Did I really? My…My…f…f…first…_ My train of thought is disturbed as I hear her suddenly burst into laughter.

"Bahahahahahahaha! Koko-chaaan! You should look in a mirror! Bahahaha…ha…ha…Koko-chan? Are those tears? Hey! Koko-chan!" She grabs at me a bit roughly and shakes me. "Why are you crying? I'm sorry. I was just teasing you. Nothing happened last night. I'm being serious. Hey…Koko-chan…" She stops shaking me and wipes away some tears from my eyes.

She pulls me into her and whispers "I'm sorry".

I shake my head. "It's ok, Mildo. I just…remembered Valmet…I should go see her".

"Do you want me to come along?" she asks.

"Hah!" I get up, grab my clothes and start dressing up. "You must be joking. If Jonah did in fact go to the hospital yesterday, then there is a high chance a misunderstanding has already occurred". I give Mildo a quick peck on the cheek. I'm fully dressed. I grab my stuff and go to the door, Mildo pouting.

"Thank you. For rejecting me, last night."

She looks at me, smiles and says "I'll see you at six."

I turn around and head out the door. As I'm walking to the hospital, I try to recall what happened last night after Jonah left. Mildo…Nothing happened right? I CAN trust you right?

* * *

"You sure you don't want to stay a bit longer?" I shake my head at the frowning woman in front of me. "But Koko-chaaaaaaan!" She comes closer and wraps her arms around me, cuddling me like a plushie. "You know we can have all sorts of fun!" she proclaims.

I gently push her away and say " Sorry Mildo. I would have loved to stay and play with you, but I fear Jonah's misunderstanding will soon bring a calamity to my doorstep. One I do not want to deal with".

"Do you think he went to tell Valmet?" she wonders.

"I wouldn't care if he had understood properly. He ran off thinking I was casting her aside."

"Well…That and you did use Valmet's situation to coerce millions of dollars out of my lovely boss".

"Baaaah. After all I've been through because of him? I deserve every penny".

"Hahahaha! Koko-chan, you really have changed. You're much softer now than you used to be. Why is that?"

I look at her and wonder exactly that. Why is it that I've changed so mu-….

"Koko-chan? Why're you smiling? Figure something out?"

"Haha. You could say that. Ok! I should get going. Wilee let me know that she'll be alright, but I still want to see her".

"Of course you do". She says as she waves with her hand nonchalantly. I hear a hint of sadness in her voice. "You're very cruel, you know that?"

"Ha! I was told that that's supposed to be part of my job".

"I feel sorry for her". She says as she looks down.

"I thought you wanted to be like her". I respond, completely serious.

"Eh…I do. Minus the messed up love life and boss she has. Not saying mine is any better though". She pauses for a second, looks away and continues, "When are you going to tell her?"

I look at Mildo. You would never guess that a person like her, talkative, blood thirsty, wild, would actually have a composed serious side to her. Well, she IS in fact unpredictable in many ways, so I suppose this is a given.

I am about to speak up, however my phone rings. _Lehm…_ "What is it, Lehm?" I say, though it accidentally sounds a bit harsh. However, he doesn't care.

"We need to talk, Koko. Where are you?"

"…"

"Koko?"

"I'm with Mildo."

"Is Jonah with you?"

"He left for the hospital a while ago."

"Koko…"

"I'm fine Lehm. I trust Mildo. Why did you call me?"

"In the car, Valmet was partially conscious."

"!"

"She told me… : _I …"_

* * *

I can't remember. Why is it that I cannot remember? Ok. What happened after my conversation with Lehm?

* * *

"That fool!" I instinctively punch the wall next to me as I throw the cellphone to the ground.

"Koko-chan!" Mildo grabs my hand and gently kisses my knuckles. "Calm down."

"I AM CALM!" I proclaim.

Mildo walks me to her bed and has me sit down.

"This…is not calm. Koko-chan, you're shaking. Please…" She caresses my hand to have me calm down.

I start to relax under her touch.

"What happened?" she wonders.

I don't answer.

"Koko-chan…talk to me..."

"…"

"Koko." She says firmly, however I do not look at her. I suddenly feel two fingers grabbing at my chin and lifting it to face her.

"M…Mild-" before I can finish, I feel two lips smack into mine rather roughly.

"?" my eyes open in shock as I try to take in everything that is happening.

She forcefully grants herself permission into my mouth while quickly undressing me.

_Why aren't I stopping her? Do I want this? If this continues, she'll end up taking me…_

Before I realize it, we are both naked on the bed with her on top of me.

"Koko-chan…" she looks at me feverishly.

I look at her, slowly lift my hand up and caress her cheek. My mind is near blank.

"Mildo…." She comes down and passionately kisses me. I return her kiss-

* * *

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! After that! What happened after that? REMEMBER! KOKO HEKMATYAR! REMEMBER! ARGH!

I am slamming the ground while ruffling and scratching at my head repeatedly.

_Remember! Koko! REMEMBER! WHY CANT YOU REMEMBER?_

"Princess?"

"ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Princess! Calm down! You're in front of a hospital you know!"

"Wha?" I look up and notice Lutz. _When did I get here? _"Oh...sorry." I say as I compose myself. "Lutz…what time is it?"

"4PM."

_What? How is that possible? I left Mildo's hotel room at 10AM! Have I just been walking around until now? ARRRGHHHHH! _

I scratch at my head some more until I hear Lutz speak.

"Hey, Princess, is what Jonah said true?"

"Lutz…" I look at him fairly frustrated. "What exactly DID Jonah say?"

"Uh…Umm…" I feel as though he might be afraid of my tone of voice. "That you were replacing…Val...met…" He slows down when he notices I am getting angry.

"WHERE IS HE? That little twerp! He just runs off with a massive misunderstanding!"

"So you're not replacing her? HA! I KNEW IT!"

I ignore him and repeat my question.

"Where is he?"

"He should be in Valmet's room, 452"

I look behind me and notice it's Lehm.

"How is she?" I ask.

"Much better. Her fever is pretty much gone. The doc said she will be discharged tomorrow."

"Why not today?" I wonder.

"He said as a precaution, have her stay for another night. Apparently part of it was exhaustion. What happened to R really got to her." Lehm answered rather matter-of-factly.

I walk in without dignifying him with a response and go to Valmet's room.

I knock.

"Come in" Valmet answers.

"Hey Val-…VALMET! What are you doing? Get back in bed!" Push ups? She's doing push ups? Is she crazy?

"You aren't my mother Koko. "

…What? Why would she say that? So…cold…too.

"I may not be your mother, but I am still your boss."

"Not anymore it seems. Right?" She gets up, grabs the towel on her bed handle and wipes the sweat from her face. "What do you want Koko?"

…How could she…be…so…cold…

"What do I want? What do I WANT? I CAME HERE TO SEE YOU! TO SEE HOW YOU WERE DOING! HOW COULD YOU ASK SUCH A THING, VALMET? I CARE ABOUT YOU SO I CAME TO SEE YOU!"

"Hah. Care? You care about me? I've been in the hospital for about 20 hours now if not more. If you truly cared, it wouldn't have taken you this long to get here. Where were you anyways?"

"Valmet…" I walk closer to her. What happened? What exactly did Jonah tell her for her to behave this way? I want to cry. I want to cry in her arms. I want her to hold me…tell me it's going to be all right. Tell me that all of this is just a bad dream or an awful joke. I want her to tell me how much she loves me. How much she wants to be with me…

She isn't walking away. She is firmly standing there… I place my hands on her chest and look up to her.

_Shhh…Relax. Just pretend I'm Valmet. I'll be gentle._

What...is this? I'm remember-"Whaaa?"

I'm pushed to the wall rather violently.

"Jonah told me how you went to Mildo. You hired her. You replaced me with a third-rate bodyguard". She isn't angry. She's just talking like a machine…cold…emotionless…? Her face is contorting.

"You stayed the night at her place didn't you? WELL KOKO? What did you do over there? Did she screw you? She did, didn't she! And you probably enjoyed it! TELL ME KOKO! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED ISNT IT?"

"….Valmet…isn't that…just…what YOU wanted to have happened?"

Valmet looks away and I ask her "why?"

"…"

"Valmet…" I place my hand on her cheek." Talk to me."

"…If you had fallen in love with Mildo and had replaced me for that reason, I could have learned to accept it. It would have been easier to accept it…However….replacing me because-"

"Enough, Valmet. "

"Eh?" She looks at me confused. Her face has softened up. Good.

"I didn't sleep with her."  
"!"

"She told me to pretend that it was you on top of me. I tried. I tried because it was very painful otherwise. But I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't because it wasn't you. I don't want her...I..." I look down, blushing. "I...want...you..."

"THEN WHY? WHY WOULD YOU CAST ME ASIDE LIKE THAT?" It's not anger in her voice. It's desperation.

"I DIDN'T CAST YOU ASIDE VALMET! I WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF THAT! JONAH MISUNDERSTOOD! THAT IS ALL!"

"Mis..understood? What exactly did he misunderstand?" she looks at me questioningly.

"My intent was for you to take some time off. Given what happened yesterday and with R, I thought you needed a break. You were there for me throughout all of it and you never had any time off. I thought I could hire Mildo for a while…" I whisper "and steal some money from Curry…"

"...What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing. Right, I thought I could hire Mildo for a while until you recovered from all of this."

"…Then….I'm not being replaced?"

"Of course not! I could never replace you!"

"This..is all…so…anti…climactic…"

"Why are you so displeased?"

"Oh…no reason really….I just thought…maybe…" she starts fidgeting and mumbling "we could have had some make-up…"

Make-up? What is she talking about? I can't make out the rest…it's barely audible…

"Valmet…you have to speak louder than that".

"It's nothing Koko! It's nothing! Hey hey…can we…kiss?" She makes silly kissing motions.

"Huh? Eh…Uh…sure?"

Her eyes scream how happy she is. I smile.

I wrap my arms around her neck and bring our lips together.

She's…kissing back. She's actually kissing ba-…wha? Why…Why does this kiss…feel so…sad? Why does it feel like…I'm going to lose her? Like…I might never see her again…?

I pull back a bit and look at her.

She has a gentle smile on her face. Did I just imagine that?

I grab onto her and rest my head between her breasts.

_I imagined that…Didn't I? Of course I did! There is no way Valmet would leave...Not…again...Right?...Right? She promised! She wouldn't leave again...Right?_

* * *

**I like cliffhangers. They leave the reader hanging for more. Though I'll admit they're very cruel. But I can't help it. I have at least 6 chapters planned out, so I say cliffies are in order. Well, I'll see how it goes until then. I'm glad you guys are enjoying it so far. Again, reviews are much appreciated and welcome. Criticism as well.**


	6. Distance

**Well, here we go. Chapter 6. I was busy with brainstorming for my final essay so I pretty much had a writer's block for this one. Sorry :\ Took 2 weeks. **

**I do hope you enjoy it. Though this one might need some rewriting too. Let me know! Thanks for sticking around so far!**

* * *

_Aaaaaaaah… Damn it Koko. That was cruel of you. _ I flop down on the bed, grab a pillow and place it on my face. _Maybe I should nap for a bit until it's time to head out…._Something suddenly begins to vibrate under me. _What's…vibrating? Oh, my phone._

I lazily grab it. Boss? What does he want now?

I flip the phone and answer it with a depressed tone.

"Hi…Boss…"

"What's with that tone? Where are you?"

"In my roo-""WHY ARENT YOU AT HEKMATYAR'S YET?"

"The meeting time is 6pm."

"WELL GET THERE EARLY! SHE MIGHT PAY FOR OVERTIME!"

"What exactly happened with you two anyways?"

"Argghhh! I don't even want to think about it right now! GET GOING ALREADY!"

"I get it, I get it! Jeez!" I hang up and throw the phone on the bed.

I get up rather slowly. _What time is it…_ I find the time on the phone lying beside me.

_10:15AM….I'll sleep for a bit and then head out._ I set my alarm for 3PM.

I twist and turn for hours, unable to fall asleep. I keep thinking about Koko. Her hair, her deep blue eyes, her small soft lips, her neck, her arms, her slender body, her breasts, her wonderfully long legs…I bite my bottom lip as I continue thinking about her and her gorgeous body. My hand unconsciously begins to roam the lower parts of my body.

"Ko…koOOOOOOOO?" I am startled back to reality by the alarm. I get up and look at myself in the mirror. Flushed. My cheeks are oh so very flushed. _That…would have been very bad. As silly as I tend to act, I am still a professional. That was going to be a very bad move Mildo._

I brush off the thought and decide to take a shower. I let the warm water hit me as I relax. I step out of the shower, dry off and start getting dressed. I notice my phone vibrating again.

"Hello?"

"WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU WITH HEKMATYAR YET?"

"I JUST GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER!"

"WELL MOVE IT! SHE'S PROBABLY AT THE HOSPITAL SPREADING LIES TO THE DOCTORS AND PUTTING THE HOSPITAL BILL TO MY NAME!"

…_I doubt she's actually doing either of those. Though…This IS Koko we're talking about…so I guess it's possible._

"Sure, sure. I'm on my way. I'll drop by the hospital first then."

"MOVE IT MILDO! SHE'S TAKEN ENOUGH MONEY FROM ME ALREADY!"

"I GET IT!" I hang up on him. I wear my boots and head out.

As I'm walking towards the hospital, I think about the various members in Koko's team.

_Lehm's second in command after Koko. Valmet's presence is stronger than the others so I guess she'd come right after Lehm. That new kid Jonah…he's pretty cute. Then we have the Japanese, the mafia driver, the lead sniper, the American, the tanned artillery expert and the dead Italian. Oh…that's right. R was his name I think…Koko was close to him wasn't she? I wonder how close. Why am I even thinking of this?_

As I shake the thoughts away, I notice that I've arrived at my destination. A tall white building with at least 10 floors. I enter through the main entrance and walk towards the reception desk. Two young women are sitting and looking through folders and typing on their computers.

"Um…'scuse me."

One of them looks up.

"Yes? How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Sophia Velmer's room."

She looks back down and I'm guessing searches the database.

"That would be room 452."

"Thanks."

I walk away and head towards the elevator.

_I wonder what Koko's up to right now…_

*ding*

The elevator door opens and I step inside. _She said 452…then 4__th__ floor._ I press on 4.

I suddenly remember something Koko told me earlier this morning.

_"I thought you wanted to be like her"._

_I thought you wanted to be like Valmet, was what she had said wasn't it. And I had answered with petty reasoning. There is no way I could tell her the truth._

The elevator arrives to the 4th floor and I step out. I start walking and looking left and right. 410. 412. 414. 416. I just continue walking without paying much attention to the room numbering. _I wish I could tell her the real reason why I want to be like Valmet. No…it's more than just being like her. I want to BE her. _I notice I'm almost at 452. _If I were able to be Valmet…then….being with Koko would be much easier. I'd be with her all the time! I'd be one of her bodyguards! If I could only get closer to her…..closer to the woman I…_ I am about to open the door to the room when I notice a slight crack.

"Valmet…" That's Koko's voice…I slightly open the door a bit and the sight I see catches me by surprise. Valmet is on top of Koko, on the former's bed, kissing and nibbling at her neck. All of this registers in my as very strong surprise and I accidently drop my phone.

I quickly recompose myself and I stay hidden, my back to the wall next to the door. Still as a mountain. I try to calm my breathing. I remember the various times Valmet has beaten me up. I fear this time would be no different if I showed myself.

"Valmet? What's wrong?"

_Calm your breathing Mildo. Calm it…That's it._

"Valmet?"

"It's nothing Koko. I'd just say we have a rat on the loose. We'll continue later ok?"

"Aww! You can't be serious! I have to go back soon! Mildo's going to be on her way."

"I don't think she's that far to begin with."

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind. Sorry. I've just lost my mood."

I hear kissing.

"It's ok. Alright. You'll be staying for one more night, but don't leave tomorrow morning! I want to be here when you're released."

"Okay."

I hear another kiss.

"I love you, Valmet."

"I love you too, Koko."

My knees feel weak. I go down into fetal position, holding my knees, back still to the wall. I lower my head to my legs.

_This is why I want to be Valmet._ _Being Valmet would mean that I could be_-

The door fully opens. I slowly look up and see Koko coming out. She looks down at me confused, either because I'm actually here or because of the tears in my eyes, I do not know.

Being Valmet would mean I could be with…

"…Mildo? Hey, Mildo! What's wrong?"

….the woman I love.

I hear another pair of footsteps coming out of the room. It's Valmet isn't it? It's Valmet…I know it is….I suddenly start to shake. _Fear? I…haven't been afraid in such a long time…_

"See?" I hear her speak up as I slowly look up to her. "I told you we had a rat". She firmly says as she looks down at me with a stern face.

* * *

**Well that's the end of this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to release the other ones faster since I have most of them planned out in my head. Let me know if you notice any mistakes or things that need rewriting. Thanks for reading!**


	7. Distraction

**Well, here's the new chapter. I apologize for the wait time. I needed to buy a new laptop and my internet was acting up these past few weeks. In any case, I hope you enjoy! And yes, it's a bit shorter than the past chapters. Feels like it's somewhat back to original lenght. It won't always be like this.**

* * *

"How long has it been now?"

"Stop talking like that. You make it sound like it's been years."

"Well it sure as hell feels like it!"

"Lutz, I understand how you feel, but there's nothing we could have done to stop her".

"Tch".

"She'll come back".

"I hope you're right, old man. I really hope you're right".

"Hey, this is Valmet we're talking about. Do you honestly expect her to just up and leave Koko like that?"

What he says finally triggers a strong reaction in me. I look down at the floor and contemplate.

"That's right…The only reason she'd come back is the princess. But she's also the reason Valmet left!"

"Lutz!" I turn around at Mao's voice. Next to him are Koko, Jonah and that…woman. Curry's dog. I suddenly remember when she was at the hospital, this two months ago, talking with sis' in front of her room. She had a wide smile on her face as she was wiping her eyes and Valmet was telling her something. I was too far away to hear and as I got closer their conversation ended. I need to find out what they were talking about…That's the same day sis' just vanished, without leaving a note or message.

I'm brought back from my thoughts when my eyes rest upon Koko's face. She has bags under her eyes. Her skin has no sparkle. She honestly looks like an old hag. _But she looked just fine yesterday…_

"If you're wondering why the sudden makeover, ask the bottles in her room". The dog replied.

I run to Koko's room and take a quick look. Wine, Whiskey, Vodka, Sake, Beer…..Everywhere. You'd expect someone to only drink one type….but she had drank all of them. At this point I'm wondering to myself how her liver is still functioning. I go back to where the rest are and violently grab Mildo by her shirt collar.

"It's your JOB to look after her!"

"Isn't that your job as well? Unless you only dirty your hands with blood."

"How dare you! Who had to clean up your mess with Pollack a while back?" I say in anger and frustration, very eager to beat up her.

"That's enough. I have a headache." Koko says as she rubs her head.

"But Princess! I can't believe you'd just let this woman replace Valmet like that!" I say pleadingly as I let Mildo go.

"Maybe I just happen to be better?" She smirks. Probably because you can take that in many ways.

"Maybe you just happen to be a whore." I say, even closer to punching her now.

"…Enough!" Koko says a bit louder. "No one has or will ever replace Valmet. Stop this nonsense. I'm not in the mood for it."

"Tch." _Then why the hell were you drinking?_ She hasn't done anything since Valmet left…Guess she finally collapsed. I grab my wallet from my room and head to the bar downstairs. _I seriously need a drink. _I reach the bar. It's somewhat empty. _Good. I hate crowded places._ I grab a seat at the bar and order a few tequila shots.

There is no way Koko would be acting like this if she didn't feel she replaced Valmet. Why did Valmet even leave? Sis'...you're coming back…right? I take another shot.

* * *

I've probably been drinking for a few hours now. I lost track. At least I'm only sticking to one type of drink unlike her.

"A..a…ano..another!-hic-" I stumble on my word.

"Sir…Don't you think you've had enough for one night?"

"N-no! I-I-I'll drink until s-she comes b-back!"

"…Were you dumped?" The bartender asks in fake empathy. At least I think it's fake…Not like I can think clearly right now.

"-Hic- You..you c-could say it's s-s-something –hic—like that! S-stupid Val-valmet! Stupid K-Koko! That stupid dog! Stupid Lehm for not caring! Stupid Jonah for not caring! Stupid everyone for not cari-…"

Someone put their hand on my shoulder. "I wouldn't continue that statement if I were you." I look back…._Valmet? Sis...Is it really…you?_

I start to lean over to her as my vision slowly goes dark.

_Soft…_

* * *

"Uh…" I open my eyes. A massive headache hits me as I thirst for water.

"Close your eyes". A firm statement.

I do as I am told without paying attention to who the voice may belong. A cup is brought to my lips. I take a sip, wondering what it is. _Water ._I slowly drink and open my eyes again. The woman's back is turned, but I can easily guess who it is.

"I never expected you to be the drink-your-sorrows-away type". She says jokingly.

I ignore her and ask a fairly simple question. "Where am I exactly?"

"Does it matter?" She quickly replied. _At least try to be bashful…It would make you cute._ "Koko won't be coming over to you anytime soon. She has her own hangover to deal with." She says snickering a bit.

_What? It hasn't been a day yet?_

"What time is it?" I say in wonder and slight worry.

She comes up to the bed, slowly sits by my side and puts me down on the pillow.

"It's time for you to rest, young man." She puts the light covers on me and taps my chest twice. Her smile, I've always thought it to be somewhat scary…but…it looks really gentle right now. Almost motherly.

"You might be able to manage being a mother…" I say teasingly.

"Don't make me regret taking you with me, kid." She replies jokingly.

"You…honestly, your group never ceases to surprise me…Chiquita." I say as I close my eyes and slowly drift off. I hear her last few words.

"Believe me, neither does yours".

* * *

**Hopefully with my new laptop here and a better internet connection, releases will be faster. Thanks for the reviews! If you have any questions or ideas, let me know!**


	8. Loneliness

Here's chapter 8. I hope you enjoy._  
_

__*Note : **R&R : **Rest & Recuperation. It's a military term. It's basically some time off/free time.

* * *

_Mildo's looking at me. Fear growing in her eyes. What does she think I'm going to do? Hurt her? Kill her? What an odd child. She's crying too. Why? Sure, she was eavesdropping, but I'm not sure what would make her tear up this way. Unless…_

"_Mildo, get up". I say sternly._

_Koko helps her get up, while she's rubbing her eyes. Such a child._

"_Come on. Get yourself together. There's no way I can let you protect Koko if you're in such a mess". She looks up at me and her eyes are sparkling._

_Sigh._

_She really is just a child._

"_Really? Hey, Valmet. Can I really?"_

_I give her a small nod. She's smiling like an idiot. I guess she really wanted this job._

_I get closer to her, and whisper in her ear: "Mildo…keep this in mind. If ANYTHING happens to Koko, I will hold you entirely responsible. And you __will__ pay for it. Understand?"_

_I hear her gulp as she nods repeatedly._

_Koko gently laughs. "Valmeeeet! Don't scare her like that." She grabs my arm._

_I look at her. She seems happy. I'm glad. I haven't seen Koko genuinely happy in some time._

_I smile._

_I love you, Koko. And I'm sorry._

* * *

"Mmm…" I slowly open my eyes. I realize that I had drifted off to sleep, as the movie I was watching was showing the credits.

It's been two months since I left Koko's side for some R&R*. She may have expected I just take a few weeks off. Not two months. Either way, I decided to go back to Finland for some time. So here I am. _Not like I had anything better to do anyways. _ I remove the thought from my head and go to the kitchen. How odd…I'm back at my parents' house. Of course, both of them have gotten fairly old, but they still manage to treat me like I'm a child. I guess it's nice to be loved like that every now and again.

I open the fridge and grab a water bottle. I go back to the living room, turn off the TV and sit back on the couch. I open the water bottle but instead of drinking, I just hold it in my hand, as I begin to reminisce about the times I spent with Koko and the guys.

_I wonder if we'll be able to spend time like that again…_As I think that, I suddenly see Mildo in the picture. They're all laughing and having fun, with Mildo…Not with me…

_Was it a mistake? Was letting Mildo take my place for a while…a really big mistake?_

I squeeze the open water bottle in frustration. As a result, cold water starts spewing out, and I drop the bottle by surprise. I look at it, as it's pouring out, onto the wooden floor.

_I shouldn't be thinking like this. I ran away. I ran away from Koko because I was too afraid. What if I'm suddenly incompetent? What if I can't protect her? What if she's injured because of me? Or even worse, what if she ends up dying because I'm unable to properly protect her? These thoughts, they won't go away. If I'm this doubtful all the time, then there's no way I can protect her. I'd end up being more trouble than it's worth. So…In that sense, I do believe Mildo would do a better job than me. She doesn't let anything get in her way. She'll do what she's asked to. She'll protect Koko, without a second thought. That's the type of person she is. She isn't indecisive. And yet….she said she wanted to be like me. What a fool that girl is. If I see her again, I might as well give her a good beating._

"Sophia?"

I'm brought back from my thoughts as I look towards the stairs.

It's my middle aged mother, calling to me. She comes down the stairs.

"Sophia…" She notices the wet floor and goes to the kitchen, grabs a towel and comes back. She bends down and wipes the floor, and puts the bottle on the coffee table.

"Are you alright?" She looks at me, in the darkness. I can see her worry. She sits on the couch next to me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about some stuff." Ah…Finnish…I haven't spoken this language in quite some time. I smile at the nostalgia it brings me.

"Sophia…If there is anything you need, you know I'm here for you."

I nod. "Thank you."

"You know…It's good to have you back. Even if it's only for a little while."

I look at her, and I see she's smiling.

"It's good to be back." I respond.

"I'm going back upstairs. Take care to get some sleep alright?"

"Alright, thanks Mom."

She stands up and goes back upstairs.

I start snickering. I haven't called her mom in such a long time.

_I should go to bed too…_But…I decide to sleep on the couch instead. Brings back memories of having to spend the night in really tough places when on a few missions with Koko. I smile at the memories as I lie down.

_I hope…I have the courage to come see you again one day._

I'm slowly drifting off.

…_I miss you, Koko._

* * *

Reviews are much appreciated. Thanks for reading!


	9. Worry

**I know it's been a while. I started two new fics so this slowly went to the side. It wasn't my intention though. And given the other two are third-person and in the past, it took me a while to remember how I used to do the chapters for this fic. :(**

**In any case, I hope you enjoy. Also, at the end, there is a reference to Vol 9. **

* * *

"Lehm! Your phone is ringing!"

I look up from the newspaper to what is Ugo bringing over my cellphone.

"Heeeee? Who's calling so early in the morning?" Tojo wonders.

"Maybe it's his new girlfriend."

"Pfffft! As if he has one!"

"You guys..." I say slowly. They laugh and go back to their posts as Ugo hands me my phone.

"...Chiquita?" I whisper to myself as I put it to my ear.

"You should control your pups a bit better." A sharp yet teasing voice.

"Heh. I'm guessing Lutz landed in your care?"

"I heard Valmet left."

"Ah. For what should be called an extended vacation."

"And how exactly is that working out for your team?"

"Aside from the occasional in-fighting between Lutz and the replacement? Just great."

I hear her sigh.

"Come pick him up once he wakes up. I don't want to feel responsible."

I agree and our conversation ends there.

* * *

Chiquita calls once more three hours later, saying that Lutz has woken.

I go over to the designated location.

I knock on the door and Chiquita answers.

I look behind her to what is Lutz, sulking and grabbing his stuff.

"Come on, Lutz. We don't have all day."

"Yeah, yeah."

He says as he comes out and waves at Chiquita as thanks.

As I turn my back and am about to leave, my ex-wife speaks.

"Does she actually love her?"

I stop. I can feel her eyes on me. She's completely serious.

"That depends on who you're talking about, doesn't it?"

"So it matters? I see. Poor Valmet. Loving someone who is unsure. Aaah, I wonder how that must feel."

_You conniving...I see how it is._

Her words pierce me. It's been a while, and she still knows how to make me feel like crap.

"Before you got here, Lutz was talking about Valmet and her feelings."

"Oh? And what did he say?"

"I'm sure you know."

"I don't know if Koko's feelings are genuine or not. It could just have been to have Valmet get her act together. We've known Koko ever since she was a kid. She's a smart enough girl to know how dangerous favouritism can be in this field. I'm sure Valmet feels the same way. That might be the reason she left."

"Koko pretending to love Valmet so that the latter can get her act together...Valmet leaving Koko because of potential favouritism...Don't you think...?"

"Yeah. They indirectly worked together to get to where they are now."

Chiquita suddenly bursts into laughter.

"I can't believe those two. What a mess they've created."

"Heh. Honestly."

I wave at her and say "I'll go have a chat with her. Thanks."

"I won't always look out for them. They're your pups, not mine."

She says as I leave.

* * *

We get back to the hotel room, where Lutz just lands on his bed and goes back to sleep.

_Didn't have any time to talk with him. Oh well._

I decide to go see Koko. I knock on her door, but no one answers.

"If you want Koko, she just went down to the lobby."

_Mildo._

"And why aren't you with her?"

"She asked to be alone. You should trust her more. She can take care of herself."

I nod to her and go downstairs.

_As much as Koko might be able to take care of herself, I won't bet on anything, especially now of all times._

I notice Koko sitting on one of the couches in the lobby, with her laptop. I walk up to her.

"How's your hangover?"

She doesn't look up. Instead, she continues to type as she speaks.

"It's all gone. Sorry if I worried you."

I sit on the couch next to her.

"Don't worry about it. You eaten breakfast yet?"

She shakes her head.

"Alright. Come on."

I get up and Koko eyes me strangely.

"Haha, what's with that look? Let's go have breakfast. You can work there too."

"Why can't we have breakfast in our room?"

"Because privacy doesn't exist in such a place."

"Pfft...Hahahahaha!"

Koko lets out an unexpected laugh.

"The food better be good!"

She gets up and decides to leave with me.

We walk for a few blocks and end up at a small diner.

"I hear this place has good pancakes!" Koko is fairly enthusiastic.

"Alright. My treat."

We walk in, sit down and order two plates. I take bacon, eggs and sausage, while she takes pancakes and sausage.

As I'm eating, Koko eyes me as though saying "Well? Why are we here? Why did you want privacy?"

I put my fork down and ask her straightforwardly.

"Do you love her?"

I assume she's taken aback, which is why she is silent.

She looks at her glass and doesn't respond.

"Remember the conversation we had some time back?"

She nods.

I sigh as I recall what I had told her.

"Koko. Valmet loves you. You don't need to answer whether you actually love her or not, however you need to get her back. It's been far too long, and its effects are clearly showing on you and the crew."

She raises her hand, implying that I should stop talking.

"Lehm." She swallows the food in her mouth. "I understand where you're coming from. However, my plans are my own. I would advise you not to interfere with them."

_Koko..._

"Even if it means breaking the team apart?"

She ignores what I said and talks to herself.

"I wonder...if Valmet would approve of _that_ plan."

"_That?"_

She grabs a piece of sausage with her fork and brings it closer to her mouth. She suddenly has her usual grin as she looks at me.

"Lehm, have you ever heard of _Jormungand?"_

* * *

**As usual, reviews are welcome! **


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